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Thursday, 11 November 2004



I've spent time in hermitage officially and unofficially.
The official times were done at the Lama Foundation in Northern New Mexico in two very small 'hermitages'.
The unofficial time was done in my home on 7 acres with my daughter who was born 3 months early during the winter and wasn't allowed to go out due to the fear of catching a life-threatening virus.
It was December when she came home from the hospital and from then on I was at home with her, pumping breastmilk, pouring it down her feeding tube, and feeding myself. I was able to sneak out in the early morning when the grocery store opened and no one else was there shopping.
This lasted for about 5 months with occasional outings and visits with friends that ended with me stripping all my germ-laden clothes off and scrubbing my body before touching anything.
This experience had the most profound effect on me. I feel as though I became a different person after that very internal time. I became oversensitzed to the outside world. I started seeing germs flying around in the air and feeling them land on my body. I found people who coughed without covering their mouths disrespectful, I mean after all, my daughter's life was at stake here.
I grew sensitive to more than the germs of others though. Something happened to me that I still cannot explain. Either I was changed by the experience or something inside me was lifted to the surface. I became fearful of peoples emotional germs in the air, heck, I even became fearful of mine. Fearful that I wasn't strong enough to fight-off what might land on me, I quickly ousted all the emotional sneezers out of my life and only surrounded myself with those who were willing to own their own snot.

Graham Harris

I decided recently that human relationships are not for me. That is, relationships involving any real emotinal content. Having studied and taught psychology in universities around the spinning maggot pile called the Earth I am now emotionally drained. I am 65 yrs old. I live with my beautful boxer dog "Bibs" in one of the most beautiful villages in France. My view is uninterrupted 65 miles towards the Auvergne.
My interests are very broad but all now enunciate people. Remember the line from paint your wagon? "Only people make you cry".

Great blog Shamash - share many of your implicit views. Was a great Kerouac fan in early life.

Love to hear from you.
Graham H


I find I need to consciously go into "Intentional Solitude" periodically, if only to regain and reclaim my sense of self, my center, and what I am about in this crazy, confusing world of ours. If not for this, I would go crazy, too. So, my Intentional Solitude times are precious times, a way of cleansing the dross and falseness off me, and make me one with my heart and soul again.

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