Good-byes. They Just Don’t Get Easier.

This academic year, I begin my ninth year leaving as an expatriate. I have chosen this life for many reasons: disillusionment with the American lifestyle, travel opportunities, and career advancement among the many.

But lately, I must admit, there’s one part of ex-pat life that really gets me down.

It’s the good-byes.

As I look at the photos I keep on my fridge, I realize that most of the people there have left this country within the last several months. Flying Monk. Dee. Classic Beauty. Mr. Morocco. A N'Ice Bitch. Strong Enough to Carry Me. Only Child. Aussie Geek. Ms. Germany. And many, many more. I’m sure I’m forgetting a few.

Tonight it’s Friday, I head to the S., but the regular gang won't be there. Turd and Ms. Picasso are off to Romania and the UK, and Longi Books to Poland. And the worst part of all: Ms. Sicily leaves in a few days. And then the "Boy, He Can Dance!" and "What a Gentleman!" pilots are off to greener pastures in South Africa, and what, pray tell, will we do without all the DRAMA????

So, I will go to happy hour tonight, but I’m not too happy about it.

I hear there’s new blood in town, but to be quite honest, I’m not that interested.

Give me time to grieve the loss of some really great people.

I think I’ll drown my sorrows in a karaoke-fest. Getting tipsy and singing loud, nostalgic songs into a mike can be…. um…er…. healing?   Feel the pain, folks. Feel the pain.

Comments

[Tish G]

Your post reminds me of a conversation that my friend Ruth and I keep having about how life changes as one moves from singledom to married status. She became very disillusioned that so many friends fell by the wayside after she married. I reminded her that she'd moved from the Land of the Singles to Marriedville, and the social rule are different. I also keep telling friends that when you hit The Land of Middle Age, many, many attitudes, ideas, and concepts one held so firmly in one's 20's and 30's seem to shift and change to where you find youself in an entirely new land with new mores and a new sense of self...

It sounds a bit like your ex pat status is not just a reflection of the reality around you, but also the reflection of an inner state. Nine years is a long time and much changes in a person over that length of time. The goodbyes aren't getting easier because, perhaps, you are saying goodbye to more than just people--perhaps there are goodbyes to something within yourself too.

:-)
T.

[shamash]

Tish: how right you are. The line "perhaps, you are saying goodbye to more than just people--perhaps there are goodbyes to something within yourself too" hit the bull's eye.

Change is something I welcome, because it keeps me from becoming static. Yet, it's something I also resist, because it's so damned uncomfortable. We're constantly evolving, whether we want to or not. And saying good-bye to certain parts of our "old" selves has to part of that change: sort of like dropping the cacoon so we can dry our wings out a bit. It's not fun, but it's necessary for transformation.

Growing pains never seem to end. But thank God we don't have to remain the same person all of our lives; we can reinvent our lives any way we choose. And that's exciting.